Vol.12 No.5

In Contact With Others
How to cultivate good relationships
by Ellen G. White

Every association of life calls for the exercise of self-control, forbearance, and sympathy. We differ so widely in disposition, habits, and education, that our ways of looking at things vary. Our understanding of truth, our ideas in regard to the conduct of life, are not the same. So frail, so ignorant, so liable to misconception is human nature, that each should be careful in the estimate he places upon another. We little know the bearing of our acts upon the experience of others. What we do or say may seem to us of little moment, when, could our eyes be opened, we should see that upon it depended the most important results for good or for evil.

CONSIDERATION FOR LEADERS

Many have borne so few burdens, their hearts have known so little anguish, they have felt so little perplexity and distress in behalf of others, that they cannot understand the work of the true burden bearer. His labors are not appreciated, until death lays him low. When others take up the burdens he has laid down and meet the difficulties he encountered, they can understand how his faith and courage were tested. Often then the mistakes they were so quick to censure are lost sight of. Experience teaches them sympathy. God permits men to be placed in positions of responsibility. When they err, He has power to correct or to remove them.

SELF-CONTROL UNDER WRONG TREATMENT

We cannot afford to let out spirits chafe over any real or supposed wrong done to ourselves. Self is the enemy we most need to fear. No other victory we can gain will be so precious as the victory gained over self.

We should not allow our feelings to be easily wounded. We are to live, not to guard our feelings or our reputation, but to save souls. Whatever others may think of us or do to us, it need not disturb our oneness with Christ, the fellowship of the Spirit. If impatient words are spoken to you, never reply in the same spirit. Remember that

“A soft answer turneth away wrath …” Proverbs 15:1. And there is wonderful power in silence. Anger met with silence in a tender forbearing spirit quickly dies away.

DEPENDENCE ON GOD, NOT MAN

We are prone to look to our fellow men for sympathy and uplifting instead of looking to Jesus. In His mercy and faithfulness God often permits those in whom we place confidence to fail us in order that we may learn the folly of trusting in man and making flesh our arm. Let us trust fully, humbly, unselfishly in God.

If Christ dwells in us, we shall be patient, kind, and forbearing, cheerful amid frets and irritations. Day by day and year by year we shall conquer self, and grow into noble heroism. It cannot be accomplished without help from Jesus, resolute decision, unwavering purpose, continual watchfulness and unceasing prayer. Let your imagination take hold upon the things unseen. Let your thoughts be directed to the evidences of the great love of God for you. Faith can endure trial, resist temptation, bear up under disappointment. Jesus lives as our Advocate. All is ours that His mediation secures.

RESPECT, COURTESY FOR ALL

If we have a sense of the long-suffering of God toward us, we shall not be found judging or accusing others. When Christ was living on earth, how surprised His associates would have been if after becoming acquainted with Him, they heard Him speak one word of accusation, of faultfinding, or of impatience. Let us never forget that those who love Him are to represent Him in character.

The Lord Jesus demands our acknowledgment for the rights of every man. Men’s social rights and their rights as Christians are to be taken into consideration. All are to be treated with refinement and delicacy as the sons and daughters of God.

Christianity will make a man a gentleman. Christ was courteous even to His persecutors; and His true followers will manifest the same spirit. Look at Paul when brought before the rulers. His speech before Agrippa is an illustration of true courtesy as well as persuasive eloquence. The gospel does not encourage the formal politeness current with the world, but the courtesy that springs from real kindness of heart.                       

The most careful cultivation of the outward proprieties of life is not sufficient to shut out all fretfulness, harsh judgment, and unbecoming speech. True refinement will never be revealed so long as self is considered as the supreme object. Love must dwell in the heart. Love imparts to its possessor grace, propriety and comeliness of deportment. It illuminates the countenance and subdues the voice; it refines and elevates the whole being.

TREAT OTHERS AS JESUS WOULD

Study carefully the divine-human character, and constantly inquire, “What would Jesus do were He in my place?” This should be the measurement of our duty. Do not place yourselves needlessly in the society of those who by their arts would weaken your purpose to do right, or bring a stain upon your conscience.

Always act from principle, never from impulse. Temper the natural impetuosity of your nature with meekness and gentleness. Indulge in no lightness or trifling. Let no low witticism escape your lips. Even the thoughts are not to be allowed to run riot. They must be restrained, brought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. Let them be placed upon holy things. Then, through the grace of Christ, they will be pure and true.

Cultivate the habit of speaking well of others. Dwell upon the good qualities of those with whom you associate, and see as little as possible of their errors and failings. When tempted to complain of what someone has said or done, praise something in that person’s life or character. Cultivate thankfulness. Praise God for His wonderful love in giving Christ to die for us. It never pays to think of our grievances.

Remember that you cannot read hearts. You do not know the motives which prompted the actions that to you look wrong. There are many who have not received a right education; their characters are warped, they are hard and gnarled, and seem to be crooked in every way. But the grace of Christ can transform them. The consistent life, the patient forbearance, the spirit unruffled under provocation, is always the most conclusive argument and the most solemn appeal.

KINDNESS, SYMPATHY FOR ALL

All who profess to be children of God should bear in mind that as missionaries they will be brought into contact with all classes of minds. There are the refined and the coarse, the humble and the proud, the religious and the skeptical, the educated and the ignorant, the rich and the poor. These varied minds cannot be treated alike; yet all need kindness and sympathy. By mutual contact our minds should receive polish and refinement. We are dependent upon one another, closely bound together by the ties of human brotherhood.

We are to have Christ in us as a well of water, springing up into everlasting life, refreshing all who come in contact with us. 

* Ellen G. White (1827-1915) was a Christian educator and author whose inspirational writings have been translated worldwide into over 100 languages.  Excerpted from The Ministry of Healing, “In Contact With Others.