Vol.13 No.6

7 Secrets of Child Training
The much loved author of The Bible Stories and Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories,
shares his secrets to parental success.
By Arthur Maxwell

1. Watch Your Children With Ceaseless Vigilance.

You cannot leave them half the time with the neighbors. The best babysitter in the world is no substitute for mother.

But in many families, mother has to go out to work. If possible––and sometimes it is impossible––she should stay home with the children.

“But,” you argue, “how else would we make our monthly payments on the car, freezer, stereo, computer, and television set?”

That is a problem. Maybe you will have to choose between these gadgets and your children. You could end up with a lot of machinery and a broken heart.

We decided that the interests of our children should come first. The last time my wife went out to work was months before our first baby arrived. That was long ago. But all these years she has spent guiding, training, and helping the children.

“You must have a lot of money then.”

On the contrary, when our children were small we had very little. We had no refrigerator, no washing machine, no freezer, no disposal, and, of course, no radio or television. We didn’t get our first car (a second hand model) until our oldest girl was almost in her teens.

My wife was always there when the children came home from school. Whenever they entered the house there was always that radiant welcome that only a mother can give. She was interested in all that concerned them, ready to meet their needs, answer their questions, help them to make right decisions, and warn them against temptations. No woman worn out from a hard day’s work, plus all the family chores to do, can do a job like this properly.

2. Maintain Your God-appointed Leadership.

God intends that parents, not the children, shall direct the household. Genesis18:19. As you value the peace and happiness of your home, don’t surrender this leadership. There was a time when some educators advocated leaving children free to do what they like, but experience has proved that such ideas are unsound.

After all, what are parents for, if not to plan the program of their homes and give direction to their children’s lives? Upon them is the responsibility to guide, counsel, and lead. If they fail to live up to this responsibility, they invite only calamity and sorrow.

A colt, a lamb, a calf, or a puppy stays with its mother a few days or weeks, but boys and girls, under normal circumstances, remain with their parents for years. Why? By accident or design? Surely it is because God planned it so. He meant this precious time to be used by parents to lead their little ones in the way they should go, to bring them up to be obedient, unselfish, and reverent; noble in all their thinking, gracious in all their ways. Parents have a long-term job on their hands, for they are preparing their children not only for this present life, but also for the life to come.

This means discipline––that word which nobody likes to use anymore. But discipline is part of parenthood. It involves setting the right pattern and holding to it. It means saying what is to be done and seeing that it is done and done well. It calls for the application of gentle but determined pressure when and where necessary.

On this subject the Bible says to children: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3.

This may sound like old-fashioned advice, but it has lost no value or virtue with the passing years. Equally timely is its counsel to parents: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture [discipline] and admonition [instruction] of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4. Discipline takes time, thought, care, and judgment, but it makes all the difference between an orderly home and bedlam. Dispense with it, and you will pay for your slackness the rest of your life. So will the children. They will never know the kind of home God planned for them. And they will escape from the confusion as soon as they can.

3. Help Your Children Find God for Themselves as Early as Possible.

This is vital. Let their earliest thoughts be about Jesus and His love. As soon as they can read, teach them to study their weekly Bible lessons by themselves. Make sure they know by heart the Ten Commandments, the Twenty-third Psalm, the Beatitudes, and other great passages of Scripture. Urge them to say their prayers every night before they go to sleep and every morning when they get up. Thus, they will develop priceless habits, which will stay with them through life. What about family worship? Have it as often as you can. Gather the children around you and read them the grand old Bible stories. Have them all pray aloud and repeat the Lord’s Prayer together at the close. It’s a glorious experience and will be a precious memory in the children’s minds.

But even more important is personal Bible study and private prayer, when each child builds up his or her own connection with God. Children will pray for all sorts of strange and wonderful things.

Let them. All their prayers may not be answered, but many of them will be.

I believe that God takes special delight in answering children’s prayers and that He does so in order to strengthen their faith in Him. Children who learn to regard Jesus as their firm, true Friend in their earliest days will turn to Him in periods of stress and strain in years to come. In youth they will “storm the battlements of heaven” in His name and give their lives to His service.

4. Keep Your Children Busy.

The old saying, “Satan finds mischief for idle hands to do,” has a lot of truth in it. Children are normally so full of life that if not engaged in some good, they will surely be up to mischief. This doesn’t mean that parents should be slave drivers, thinking up one task after another. That doesn’t make a happy family. Children must have time to play. But they should be led to understand that it is their responsibility to help keep the home going. Just as soon as they are old enough to do little jobs around the home they should be taught to do them. It isn’t right that the mother should always get supper ready and wash the dishes while Johnny and Mary watch television or play a game. Children can be a marvelous help if they are taught to do their part when they are very young. Once you get across the idea that it is their duty and privilege to keep the home running and looking nice because it is their home, they will stop at nothing in their desire to help. They will do the dusting, floor washing, and lawn cutting without your having to ask and without holding out their hands to be paid for every little service.

5. Place Responsibilities Upon Your Children and See That They are Carried Out.

This will teach them self-reliance and make them trustworthy. Of course, this will take time. It’s easy to give a child a job, but considerably more difficult to see that it’s done. And it takes real perseverance to insist that it be done right. Yet, this is how one builds character. One curse of this present age is passing the buck, otherwise know as “Let Bill do it.” Work is regarded as something to be bypassed or hurried through in a slipshod way. The remedy for this irresponsibility must be applied in childhood. Little Johnny must understand that when mother or father gives him a job he must do it to the best of his ability. Little Mary must learn that she cannot escape her responsibilities even with the most subtle excuses. Children trained like this will grow into dependable youth. It will be natural for them to be faithful to every trust. And when they leave home to take up their lifework, the world will welcome them.

6. Open the Treasure House of New Ideas.

When children are old enough to read by themselves, introduce them to good books and magazines. This will take more of your time, because you will have to read the books and magazines first to find out which are good. Remember, one bad book can poison a child’s mind for life. Keep strong control on all reading matter coming into your home. When opportunity offers, explain why some things are good and others bad. The same applies to television programs. Keep control of the knob. As divinely appointed leaders of the home, parents have the right and duty to decide the kinds of programs children shall watch . Take time to explain why you turn off one program and not another. If the explanation is given wisely, kindly and firmly, the children will see the correctness of the decision. Then they will make the same right choice when there is no grown-up around to tell them what to do.

7. Make Home the Central Attraction.

Plan things that make children happy. Play with them. Make them feel wanted, and let them know you love them. Tell them to invite their friends over— at the proper time, of course. Read to them. Children love to be read to. When our children come home—though they are all grown, they still beg their mother to read to them a story as she used to do when they were young. The result will be that children will look upon home as the most beautiful place in the world. They won’t be running off to the neighbors or other places for entertainment. There will be no joy quite like just being at home. In years to come, such a home will prove an anchor amid the storms of life, and the most treasured memory they will carry with them to their eternal home.

* The late Arthur S. Maxwell is the much loved author of The Bible Stories and Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories, as well as many doctrinal books and articles. Adapted and reprinted from Last Generation magazine archives, Vol. 5, No. 3.