Vol.3 No.2

Q. My husband and I have been married for well over twenty years. More recently, he has become addicted to cocaine. Unfortunately, I get very angry and argue with him when he squanders our money on drugs. Our four children are almost full grown and soon all will have left home. I am strongly contemplating leaving him for good, but want to know God's counsel. Can you please help?

A. When you married your husband, you promised to love, honor, and cherish till death do us part. You are certainly going through adverse conditions, and you have the deepest sympathy from me in such a trial. But I can find no mandate in the Word of God that would suggest that you should leave. But I do find wonderful encouragement that God is able to give you the strength in such a terrible situation. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Corinthians 10: 13). God is able to uphold you in these most difficult and trying circumstances. There is one area that obviously is difficult for you, and that is the area of retaliation. God can give you the strength to act in a Christ-like way, even under these terrible circumstances.

This spirit of anger and revenge comes from Satan. Every day you need to pray for humility which is one of the fruits that comes when we are in total submission to Jesus. In so doing, you will set an example for your husband that will be the greatest way in which you might be able to influence him away from the curse of drug use.

I learned a very wonderful lesson from my maternal grandparents. My godly grandmother put up with the abuse of an alcoholic husband during the 56 years of their marriage, but never once did she consider leaving him. Upon her death, I had the privilege of witnessing, as a teenager, the miracle of the grace of God in the transformation of the heart of an 81 year-old who accepted Christ as a result of the unwavering witness of his deceased wife. Perhaps you, too, might be an influence that will lead to the salvation of your husband.

Vol.3 No.3

Q. My husband and I have been separated for eighteen months. Shortly after our marriage I discovered that he was addicted to pornographic books and videos. Though he sincerely asked God for help, he cannot seem to refrain from this. Isn’t this fornication the Bible talks about? Don't I have biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage?

A. Tragically, the case of your husband is very common today, even among men who claim to be Christians. I can fully understand the frustration that you are experiencing, however, I cannot go beyond the words of Scripture in regard to divorce and remarriage. As I understand the Bible, the only basis for divorce and remarriage is physical adultery which, apparently, your husband has not engaged in.

You say that he sincerely asks God for help. Many times we expect God somehow to take away the temptation, but the Bible makes it clear that if we sincerely come to God He will give us the strength to gain the victory.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Corinthians 10: 13).

But the text that has greatest relevance to your husband is James 4:7: "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

There can be victory for your husband, but every morning he must pray to God asking the Lord to give him the strength for victory. Then he himself must exert all his will power to resist this temptation by not going near a video store or a magazine rack where he can buy this pornographic material.

God will provide the added strength that he needs.

Vol.13 No.6

Q. When is it acceptable for a Christian to divorce?

A. There is no human relationship more sacred than that of husband and wife. The first institution established by God, after creating man and woman, was marriage.

Originally, God intended that a husband and wife should live together for eternity. After sin, God’s purpose was still that husband and wife should live together until the death of either partner. The wedding vow to “love, honor, and cherish until death do us part” is the second most sacred vow any person can make—second to the vow to love, honor, and serve God.

Christ confirmed the importance of marriage. In the Sermon on the Mount, He extended the seventh commandment even to lustful thoughts. And He declared only one ground for divorce—adultery. Matthew 5:28, 32.

During Bible times, great permissiveness had entered Israel, and some held that divorce could take place for the most trivial reasons. Moses indicated that a woman could be divorced for “some uncleanness.” Deuteronomy 24:1-4. The Jewish leadership even allowed divorce for burning a husband’s food. Christ stated that such trivial responses to marriage were never in God’s plan. Matthew 19:3-9. Christ came to uphold God’s law and the sacredness of marriage. Much is safeguarded if both partners never entertain the thought that their marriage was a mistake, even when there are problems.

Marriage is an eternal triangle involving God, a husband, and a wife. If both husband and wife are linked to Christ by indestructible bonds of love, the marriage is invincible. If, however, one partner allows the connection with God to falter, there is always the possibility of marital strife, disharmony, and failure.

At the base of every marriage breakup is spiritual decline. But, this decline does not necessarily involve both sides. It is possible for a marriage to falter because of the self-indulgent, egocentric behavior of one partner.

Perhaps the most critical situation in any marriage occurs when one partner has violated the marriage vows by sexual infidelity. This act is grounds for the faithful partner to divorce the unfaithful one. However, should the fallen partner seek forgiveness and give evidence of true repentance, it is the faithful partner’s God-given responsibility to take back the erring one, just as Christ extends His matchless love to all who are estranged from Him. Jeremiah 3:1, 4:1; Ezekiel 16:28, 32, 33:11; Matthew 18:21, 22.

After the very best efforts have not achieved reconciliation, the faithful partner is free to divorce and remarry. However, Jesus taught that those who remarry without biblical grounds for divorce, have entered into an adulterous relationship forbidden by the seventh commandment. Matthew 19:9.

Some partners, usually wives, suffer in most abusive, even life-threatening situations. These problems usually involve children as well. While the Bible does not give permission for an abused spouse to divorce under these circumstances, he or she may need to separate from an abusive situation if it becomes too dangerous.

When a Christian is married to a non-Christian, the Christian spouse has great responsibility to do everything possible to live in Christian love. The lack of Christian commitment is not a valid basis for separation or divorce. 1 Corinthians 7:12-16.

A committed Christian will not enter a marriage relationship with an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14. Compromise in this area has brought untold grief to many marriages and families, especially to children.

Marital love draws its strength from Christ’s love. By continually beholding the love of Jesus each day, the husband and wife will strengthen these invincible ties.

* Adapted from Family Crisis, “Marriage and Family,” by Colin D. and Russell R. Standish, Hartland Publications, 1-800-774-3566.