Q. We have been married for almost two years now and our marriage has not been free of serious conflict. My wife is urging us to have a child but I am not certain about it. Would you please offer some counsel?

A. I hope your wife is just as open to the counsel as you appear to be. You raised a red flag when you said that there were significant problems in your marriage. I would urge you not to initiate a new life into a troubled marriage. I ask, "What can that little infant do to help adults solve their marital problems?"

Rather, he or she will become the victim of the unstable marriage environment. Even if it does do something to keep a wobbly marriage together, it will be in a way that will not be wholesome in the development of the Christian character of the child. I have often seen such marriages hang together until the time the children have left home and then in middle life the parents separate and divorce from each other.

You have a solemn obligation before God to pray together, to study together, to communicate together concerning the difficulties that you have in your marriage. You, as husband, should be leading out in the spiritual life of your hope. Are you leading in family worship morning and evening? Are you making sure your wife knows how

much you love her as well as how much you love the Lord? These are all necessary to strengthen a failing marriage and maintain a strong, viable relationship. Do you study carefully the principles of healthful diet, of emotional security, and of a peaceful environment so that any child that you might subsequently father will have the best spiritual environment?

Make sure that like Elizabeth (Luke 1:41) and Zechariah (Luke 1:67), you are filled with the Holy Spirit so that your little one may be overshadowed by the Holy Spirit before he is born (Luke 1:15).

Vol.5 No.3

Q. We want to teach our children responsibility with money. When should we begin giving our children an allowance?

A. Do you want your child to be a well-adjusted, productive adult? To manage money wisely and keep out of debt? Don't give him an allowance!

Society is filled with adults content to stay on the welfare rolls-or who feverishly spend to the limit of their credit. Why add to this problem by teaching children that they have a natural right to our money?

""But," you might reason, "I don't just give my child an allowance. He works for it.""

Wait a minute-who pays you for doing the laundry, fixing meals, maintaining the family car, or making your bed? Parents don't expect remuneration for doing these essential tasks. Why, then, should we pay our children to keep their rooms tidy or take out the garbage? Each child needs to understand that, as a valuable member of the family unit, his help is needed and expected.

But don't children need to learn to handle money? Without a doubt. However, the money they manage should be their own hard-earned funds, not a handout for performing a duty. Consider offering to pay for extra jobs around the house-tasks you would normally pay an outsider to perform like digging up the garden in the spring, painting the fence, washing the windows, or even baking bread. Don't be afraid to insist that a child works to the best of his ability, and be willing to pay more for a conscientious effort. As the young worker becomes proficient, encourage a little business venture, offering his services to friends and neighbors.

When your child begins earning his own money, allow him to pay for his own clothes, personal supplies, and hobbies-and encourage him to make use of his funds to help others. This not only graphically teaches him the value of a dollar, it builds his self-respect as a contributing member of the family firm-and of the family of God.

Q. We hear much about giving our children good self-esteem. Is this a Biblical principle? Somehow it doesn't have the right ring to it.

A. The Bible has much to say about dying to self. Why, then, do we spend so much time and energy promoting our children's self-esteem? Perhaps we have confused self-esteem with self-worth?

Self-worth is a cardinal principle of God's kingdom. Christ values us so highly that He humbled Himself to die for us (Philippians 2:8). As heirs of His kingdom, we will walk as He walked (I John 2:6). We will work for the welfare of others, whether in the family, the community, or the world. There is poise and power in a person with true selfworth.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is what originally got Satan in trouble. "I will exalt my throne," he boasted, "I will be like the most High" (Isaiah 14:13,14). Instead of looking out for each other, self-esteem teaches us to look out for number one. Pride, boldness and egoism are the natural fruits of self-esteem. By precept and example we can nurture either self-esteem or self-worth in our children.

Which will it be-selfishness, or selflessness?

Q. What are the dangers, if any, of making comparisons between children?

A. When I was a child, I often heard the words, "Why can't you be more like Kathy?" This young lady was everything I was not: outgoing, vivacious, and happy-go-lucky. I was more cautious, studious, and conscientious. Needless to say, I was left with serious doubts about my worth as a human being. Years later, Kathy and I compared notes and discovered that she had regularly been exhorted to be more like Janet-with similar results!

Probably most parents are tempted to indulge in the game of comparisons. We naturally want our children to be the brightest, the most athletic, the best looking, even the most obedient! But sooner or later children will fall short in the comparison-and too often they must deal with shattered feelings of self-worth.

Many goals set before children are unattainable. The uncoordinated child may never excel on the tennis court; the child endowed with an average intellect will find it impossible to stay at the top of his class; the reserved child will probably never be a social butterfly. In trying to meet unreasonable expectations, children often believe that they are unworthy.

Can't we, then, encourage them to do their best? Yes, but keep in mind that the only true standard of excellence is Jesus. We are told in Philippians 2:5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." Here is the standard which, despite our handicaps of heredity or environment, we can all reach because He has promised to help us: "'A new heart [mind] also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you" (Ezekiel 36:26).

Vol.11 No.3

Q. What is Pokemon? My kids have begged me for Pokemon game cards. Something doesn’t seem right about these cartoon characters, so I’m still saying no. I want to be an informed and responsible mother. How can I evaluate the hundreds of toys and games promoted for kids these days?

A. Your children are fortunate that you want to be informed. Too many parents buy whatever their children clamor for without checking what values the products promote. To answer your question about Pokemon (cards, television show, and game boys), the following information was adapted from a website which reviews children’s entertainment for Christian parents.¹

Pokemon stands for pocket monsters, little make-believe demons with supernatural power. The goal of the game is to become a Pokemon master by capturing as many Pokemons as possible. Pokemons assist their owners in occult battles; therefore, the more Pokemons you collect, the more power you possess.

The way Pokemon is promoted to children reveals the true spirit behind the game:²

“Select your desired attack. Hold down the button until your opponent’s life stops draining.”

“Once you have captured Zapados, you can use it to quickly lower the health of Articuno.…”

“Occult role-playing games … add a sense of personal power and authority through identification with godlike superheroes.

“ … in the realm of popular role-playing games … the child becomes the master. As in contemporary witchcraft, he or she wields the power. Their arm, mind, or power-symbol (the pokemon or other action figure) become the channel for the spiritual forces. Children from Christian homes may have learned to say, ‘Thy will be done,’ but in the role-playing world, this prayer is twisted into ‘My will be done!’ God, parents, and pastors no longer fit into the picture fantasized by the child.

“Psychologists have warned that role-playing can cause the participant to actually experience, emotionally, the role being played.…

“And when the game includes occultism and violence, the child-hero is trained to use ‘his’ or ‘her’ spiritual power to kill, poison, evolve, and destroy—over and over. Not only does this repetitive practice blur the line between reality and fantasy, it also sears the conscience and causes the player to devalue life. The child learns to accept unthinkable behavior as ‘normal.’”³

What can parents do when their children clamor for toys and games with occult influence?

Here are some suggestions:⁴

Study God’s view of contemporary entertainment with your children. Share these Scriptures: Ephesians 5:8-16; 6:10-18; Philippians 4:8, 9; and Colossians 2:8, 9. Compare them with the values encouraged by Pokemon, Harry Potter, etc.

As you share your observations with young children, stimulate their awareness using comments such as, “That creature reminds me of a dragon,” or “Did you know that in the Bible, serpents and dragons usually represent Satan and evil?”

Teach a biblical attitude toward evil before they learn to delight in gross, ugly characters. Make comments like, “Who would want to play with that ugly monster?”

Demonstrate wise decision-making. Explain to your child why you wouldn’t want to purchase these things.

When confronted with occult books, movies, games, and websites, prayerfully ask your children questions adapted to their age about the obvious and subtle messages these items promote. Will it build godly character? Does it have anything to do with supernatural power? If so, what is the source of that power? Does it agree with God’s Word?

May God give you wisdom as you disciple your children for Jesus.

References

1.Kjos, Berit, “How Pokemon and Magic Cards Affect the Minds and Values of Children,”pp. 1-6, Kjos Ministries, www.crossroad.to/text/articles/pokemon5-99.html
2.Ibid., pp. 3, 4.
3.Ibid., p. 4.
4.Ibid., p. 5.